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Tank knocker. Who want to slip this around the bottom of your tank, let alone reach back and find it every time you want to get your buddy’s attention.
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The wrist mount dive slate. Do you know why you rarely see anyone ever diving with one? Because they are a PIA to get on while climbing in and out of your dive gear. But every dive shop has them.
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GoPro Head strap. I personally know three divers who are using GoPro’s found on the ocean bottom with head straps attached. LMAO
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I’ve logged over 100 dives with my GoPro and head strap and never had a problem. I’m going with that one being related to operator error. LOL
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From RockRat2008: I’ve logged over 100 dives with my GoPro and head strap and never had a problem. I’m going with that one being related to operator error.
Actually, it’s more of an issue here because we dive in heavy kelp forests all the time. I admit the kelp pulled my GoPro off my head the first time I dove with it. Now it’s attached to either my dive light or regular camera.
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AAAHHH ... Gotcha ... Almost all my diving is rock quarries and springs being in TN ... Not a lot of heavy kelp forests to contend with ... That makes sense though ...
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The weaponized super large dive knife.
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From RAWalker: The weaponized super large dive knife.
BUT BUT BUT ... What about when I have to fight off a great white shark? :-)
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Greg - 6/21/2013 1:57 PM 
What about the mechanical "underwater pencils" with the replaceable tips? If you need a darn pencil, just bring a short normal #2 pencil. The wood will rot out after a couple dives, but so what..they’re cheap! And the lead is the same in any pencil.
Or how about the waterproof bible? Not sure if that’s a dumb idea or not, someone might want to read underwater...but still worth mentioning as a silly scuba product.
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I like the mechanical pencil I’ve had ole #2 split apart too many of the wrong times.
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Same here, got tired of finding a broken pencil everytime I went looking for it and bought the plastic mechanical one on a leash :)
Now for useless back in the 70’s Farralon, Oceanic’s predecessor made a mechanical decometer, there were 3 on one Jersey dive, square profile, down the anchor rode, flat bottom and back up, 3 different readings! They soon joined things brought up on the mantle :(
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From Rich-D-Fish: The wrist mount dive slate
I use one for mainly setting my white balance on my camera. I just gotta snap a shot at my wrist instead of wrestling the dangling slate around. And yes they are a PIA to get on. I started putting it around my cumberbund on my bc and found that a little easier.
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I really don’t think there are ridiculous scuba gadgets as it comes down to each users needs.
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From Greg: Or how about the waterproof bible? Not sure if that’s a dumb idea or not, someone might want to read underwater...but still worth mentioning as a silly scuba product.
What do you think they use for those under water weddings.;)
http://www.prodiveusa.com/uwweddings.html
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This a guy one... Not sure about useless but watch the instructional video and you realize THE SHE_PEE is insane and hilariously funny to watch.. Makes ya glad your a guy...hahahahaha
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xmx - 6/24/2013 9:22 AM
for pencils they sell all graphite ones in art stores, basically the whole pencil is made out of the "lead" part. the work great and water is never an issue.
wrist slates are not a problem if they are the compact ones with 3 flipping pages. change the mount to a bungee and they are easy to slip on. they are very useful to keep your runtime on, that way they are next to one of your computers.
For useless: Spare air, housing+software to turn your iphone in a trimix dive computer, integrated inflator/2nd stage, mask with uw camera (max depth 40ft), colossal snorkels.
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Greg - 6/24/2013 9:26 AM
From xmx: integrated inflator/2nd stage I was thinking the same thing. I used one of those in the past and now it just hangs in my garage as a novelty item. Not a very good idea to put your alternate reg on the same hose as your inflator/deflator. To difficult to control if you really needed to use it in an emergency.
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The entire Open Water PADI dive video that comes in the package when you sign up. It is painful to watch. I think I wore out my FF button on the DVD player.
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Greg - 6/24/2013 9:30 AM
From Rich-D-Fish: The entire Open Water PADI dive video that comes in the package when you sign up. It is painful to watch. It’s funny you mentioned this! I had a buddy that borrowed the DVD and he said the same thing this last week :) I think it’s about time they make a new one.
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Water proof playing cards !!!
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i think the waterproof playing cards are for the pool/boat... we had a set on the sailboat.. all the non waterproof ones molded and got stuck together
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I just leave the stupid gadgets on the shelf or at home an just simply dive without them!!
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From Greg: I was thinking the same thing. I used one of those in the past and now it just hangs in my garage as a novelty item. Not a very good idea to put your alternate reg on the same hose as your inflator/deflator. To difficult to control if you really needed to use it in an emergency.
Just another skill to practice and some of us have mastered it. I used my integrated through my IDC and IE without any problem. I breath from it and can control my buoyancy while doing so. In fact during a real OOA incident it is no more difficult to use since the dive is over and at max you are using it to ascent for a 3 minute safety stop before surfacing. Just time your exhales and releasing air at the same time with a partial press of the air release button instead of a full press which would add air to the BCD as manual inflating.
I’m sorry but all the hype about the evils of integrated octo are just those that didn’t put the time into a perfectly adequate piece of diving gear that does have certain advantages over a standard octo.
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From RAWalker: I’m sorry but all the hype about the evils of integrated octo are just those that didn’t put the time into a perfectly adequate piece of diving gear that does have certain advantages over a standard octo. The other big concern is having a buddy familiar with it. In an alternate ascent, you give your buddy your primary (the one in your mouth) and you switch to the duo reg/inflator. This adds training requirements for your dive buddy as well. I’d rather avoid the possible complication and have gear that most divers are more comfortable with.
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Oh and the problem is the reg isn’t yellow? It’s still in the triangle an the only additional training require it yours. The fact is Integrated octos are mainstream today and every instruct should be making their students aware of them and it’s use. To do so IMHO is negligent to the facts of their existence and popularity. People have been trying to ignore them for close to 20 years and they haven’t gone away in fact they grow with popularity each year. Get with the times and learn what you need to know to present them without bias.
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xmx - 6/27/2013 8:50 PM
The problem with gadgets in general is that at first may seem a good idea but end up complicating things or being a crutch.
The best location for an alternate is on a bungee around your neck. You can get to it without using your hands and it’s always there. You donate the reg you were breathing from which is on a long hose. In a real emergency (i.e not the happy smiling divers kneeling on a platform and exchanging big signals "we have all the time in the world") an out of air diver will RIP the regulator out of your mouth. So better be ready, tuck your chin and get to your backup.
No need to have a 7’, a 5’ is sufficient for a rec divers/no pen dives. The only reason it is not thought at the recreational level is because of fear of task loading beginners. Unfortunately in the advanced courses it’s not brought up (mainly because instructors are unaware/unwilling to learn themselves).
Another good one for the useless list: the rubber necklace to hold the alternate around your neck, really easy to pop out, completely defeats the purpose.
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From tazzer9797: Not sure about useless but watch the instructional video and you realize THE SHE_PEE is insane and hilariously funny to watch.. Makes ya glad your a guy...hahahahaha
There’s a VIDEO?!!!$#^%%&
WHERE?
LMAO!
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xmx - If you don’t know where the location of your power inflator is at all times during your dive I’d be very surprised. which translates to if you’ve made the choice to use an integrated octo you know where it is at all times. It is on a short leash being attached to your BCD by a 16-20" hose. While I agree that the standard octo under your chin is an excellent choice a gadget that has been around as many years as the integrated octo has matured and should be properly discussed without bias. The fact is the skill complication it adds is minor and it actually simplifies ones regulator set. Combine it with a Wireless AI computer and you can be one significantly streamlined diver.
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Greg - 6/30/2013 5:44 AM
From UWnewbee: padi scuba earth?? lol Too funny!!! But sooo true :)
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From Greg: Too funny!!! But sooo true :)
I had a feeling youd like thar Greg lmao
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From Rich-D-Fish: Tank knocker. Who want to slip this around the bottom of your tank, let alone reach back and find it every time you want to get your buddy’s attention.
Not useful for their intended purpose, but you can use them as hose retainers for 80 cu ft stage bottles.
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How about this thing I picked up at BTS? I replaced their cheapo plastic clip with a small bolt snap.
http://www.divebuddy.com/photo.aspx?PicID=68709&MemID=22259
http://www.divebuddy.com/photo.aspx?PicID=68919&MemID=22259
It’s supposed to be a hose mounted gadget holder, but useless if you’ve got a compass on your console due to the really strong earth magnets. In the picture with them apart, that’s about as close as you can get them together without them snapping together.
To me, it’s useless because everything I bring with me has a bolt snap on it anyway, and it makes more sense for me to reach for one of the many D-rings I’ve got on my harness. Oh, and BTW that’s where my console gets clipped anyway.
I think it’s a neat gadget (and I’m definitely a gadget guy), but more of a solution in search of a problem!
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From John_giu: There’s a VIDEO?!!!$#^%%&
WHERE?
LMAO!
Go to You Tube enter she-p. Watch episode 2 part 1 and 2..... Glad I am a guy... to funny
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