|
Why do mermaids wear Sea Shells?
Because B’s are too small and D’s are to large.
(does someone hear crickets?)
|
|
|
Greg - 2/27/2013 1:39 PM 
D’s are not too large! The further down the alphabet, the better :)
|
|
|
|
From Greg: D’s are not too large! The further down the alphabet, the better :)... Nice joke babe!
|
|
|
Why don’t sharks eat divorcees? Because they are bitter!
|
|
|
|
Greg - 2/27/2013 9:43 PM
How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?
Four skin divers.
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why wont sharks attack lawyers????
A: Professional courtesy!
|
|
|
|
From Greg: D’s are not too large! The further down the alphabet, the better :)... Its when you see double and start repeating.... DD’s.. OMG!!!!!
|
|
|
|
If Microsoft made dive gear
Useless tips would show up on your dive computer every time you turn it on.
None of your new gear would be compatible with any of your old stuff.
When you called Microsoft to schedule a dive trip, you would be left on hold for a long time, and when you finally talked to someone you would be given a lot of information on diving that was absolutely correct but completely useless.
Every dive computer would be from Microsoft and any deaths from them would be explained as a "beta version" problems. Don’t worry, we’ll fix that in the next release.
Every time you were really close to your destination, your boat would crash.
Your air supply would stop and have to be restarted every couple of minutes and you would accept this as normal.
|
|
|
|
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.
The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I’m drowning, you moron
|
|
|
Okay...i try to translate..
A diver asks a native at the beach "Have you ever heard of dangerous sharks at this beach?" The native negates the question....some minutes later you can hear the diver screaming very loud what makes the native think...."i should have told him that there never will be any sharks if there are crocodiles in the water"
|
|
|
|
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean— there’s a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine, until the boat springs a leak, and starts to sink.
The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay… we’re in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive."
The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay… we might as well do our navigation dive, so let’s get our compasses out and swim towards shore."
The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay… for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!"
|
|
|
|
A diver fresh off one of the Republics walks into a bar and sits down next to a salty sailor who has a wooden leg , hook and an eye patch. Wow says the diver, you have had a rough life, what happened?
I matey says the sailor, I have seen a lot of things sailing the seven seas, rounding the Florida straits were being beaten up by a storm, the rigging broke and I was thrown overboard, I grabbed a line and was pulling me self back aboard when a great white took my leg. The ships wood wright made me this fine leg.
And what happened to the hand asked the diver, We were sailing in the Tortugas when pirates tried to board, we were able to repel them but not before one took my fore arm with his sword. The wood wright and the cook made me this fine hook!
And the eye, asked the diver. We were tying up at Stock Island and a Seagull pooped in me eye said the sailor. Wait said the diver, you have fought off great whites and pirates and lost your eye to a seagull?!!! Arrgg, said the sailor, T’was me first day with the hook!
|
|
|
|
This man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It’s not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It’s not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It’s not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the man and she says, "How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!" he says.
She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you had a drink of whiskey?
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that’s fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some REAL fun?"
And the man cries out, "My God! Don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there, too!"
|
|
|
Eve - 3/08/2013 9:03 AM
Jokes are also on Funny Friday page.
|
|
|
depending on the age of the mermaid.
|
|